Understanding, Controlling, Repairing, And Manipulating Emotions Part V Of VI

 

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  • Camel pose

Get a blanket or something soft and throw it on the ground. Kneel on top of it with your legs hips distance apart. If you can, curl your toes under to help stabilize your weight. You’re going to make the same shape with your upper body.  Start with your back completely straight then begin to arc your chest upward and curl your head back, keeping your lower abs engaged. You can use your hands on the backs of your hips to help support yourself and arch higher. Keep your core engaged so you’re putting too much pressure on your lower back. Breath slow, even breaths and come out of it the same way you went into it – curl up your head, last.

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FOR STRESS

Calming, relaxing poses are great for stress relief.  Slow deep breaths are best for balancing your brain hemispheres – so breathing exercises alone will work if you can’t do a yoga pose.

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  • Head on knee pose

Sit on the floor with both legs out straight, then bend the right foot in so your bottom of your foot touches the inside of your left thigh. Then face your left leg so your whole torso is centered over your left leg, stretch up with both arms, and fold over your extended leg. Just allow your back to stay as long as possible, so if you can’t touch your toes, work up to it. Start with hands by your shin or knee. If you need to, bend your knee a tiny bit. Focus on keeping both sides of your torso equally stretched over your leg. Slowly come up and switch sides. Eventually when you get enough flexibility, the goal would be to rest your nose or chin right above your knee, but only if you can keep your leg straight.

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  • Corpse pose

This is great for easing tension and calming the mind. It’s last on my list because you always do this pose last – it’s a nervous system shut down.

Sit in a seated position and roll yourself down onto your back, vertebrae by vertebrae, until your back is completely flat. Now allow your arms to splay out, your legs to relax out, completely even on both sides of your body. Make sure there’s no uneven pressure under your body and nothing touching your body. Close your eyes and let everything in your face relax. Relax your tongue, your mouth, and breathe normally. Relax your eye muscles, your forehead, your fingers. If you need to, drape something over your eyes so you can keep them closed. Stay here for five minutes.

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  • Restorative Corpse pose

This is the same thing before you lay down, place a pillow underneath your shoulders, head and neck, elevating everything from the base of your shoulder blades up so it’s about 4 inches off the ground. You can also place a rolled blanket under your knees.  To come out of it, roll to your right side and push yourself up to a seat.

Those are my picks for soothing these particular nego-patterns! I hope you try them and even try more than these. I will bet they work for you.

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In closing…

Our self-understanding is cultural – our understanding of limits is also cultural. We rarely question our own beliefs because we’ve grown so used to them. What I hope you will be inspired to do is question your beliefs about yourself and challenge the ways “you are and will always be.”  When we decide who we are – and decide it’s set it stone, it’s usually something we’ve taken on as a definition based on the ideas of others. So truly, our beliefs are always changeable. They can be challenged and new practices can be adopted – it comes down to looking at what is still serving you and what is no longer helpful, and making a change in your behavior. If you want to believe otherwise and you can’t force yourself to think outside of your ways, just begin by questioning yourself: really examine and challenge the truth behind those sticking points. You can be changed at any age and create a different life for yourself. Night and day can happen in a single day.

The past is the past. It created your life up to this moment. How you choose to look at today and the present moment: that changes your tomorrow and everything you live from this point forth. So, for your own happiness and well being, allow yourself a new choice, today.  Even the smallest change in your perspective will make a dramatic difference in the quality of the rest of your life: it alters the pattern. And with repetition, a daily practice – once you actually see proof of the change it has made in your life, then you build momentum.  It just takes seeing that first sign of change: feeling that balance, that happiness that comes from soothing and processing toxic emotions. Give it a try. I believe that, just like me, you’ll never go back! You’ll grow to trust the process and invest the more in more in the value of balancing your mind and body. It’s the best tool-set ever because there’s nothing to solve about it. It’s so simple and pure – and it makes you KNOW innately that you can and will be okay – you will take care of yourself- no matter what happens. You will be there to care for yourself.  I hope this was helpful and inspiring in some way… Smile lovely friends!!!

 

Lately: 16 Psychological Trick To Make People Like You Immediately  

 

It’s hard to say exactly why you like someone.

Maybe it’s their goofy smile; maybe it’s their razor-sharp wit; or maybe it’s simply that they’re easy to be around. You just like them.

But scientists generally aren’t satisfied with answers like that, and they’ve spent years trying to pinpoint the exact factors that draw one person to another.

Below, we’ve rounded up some of their most intriguing findings. Read on for insights that will cast your current friendships in a new light — and will help you form better relationships, faster.

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  1. Copy the person you’re with

This strategy is called mirroring, and involves subtly mimicking another person’s behavior. When talking to someone, try copying their body language, gestures, and facial expressions.

In 1999, New York University researchers documented the “chameleon effect,” which occurs when people unconsciously mimic each other’s behavior. That mimicry facilitates liking.

Researchers had 72 men and women work on a task with a partner. The partners (who worked for the researchers) either mimicked the other participant’s behavior or didn’t, while researchers videotaped the interactions. At the end of the interaction, the researchers had participants indicate how much they liked their partners.

Sure enough, participants were more likely to say that they liked their partner when their partner had been mimicking their behavior.

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  1. Spend more time around the people you’re hoping to befriend

According to the mere-exposure effect, people tend to like other people who are familiar to them.

In one example of this phenomenon, psychologists at the University of Pittsburgh had four women pose as students in a university psychology class. Each woman showed up in class a different number of times. When experimenters showed male students pictures of the four women, the men demonstrated a greater affinity for those women they’d seen more often in class — even though they hadn’t interacted with any of them.

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  1. Compliment other people

People will associate the adjectives you use to describe other people with your personality. This phenomenon is called spontaneous trait transference.

One study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that this effect occurred even when people knew certain traits didn’t describe the people who had talked about them.

According to Gretchen Rubin, author of the book “The Happiness Project,” “whatever you say about other people influences how people see you.”

If you describe someone else as genuine and kind, people will also associate you with those qualities. The reverse is also true: If you are constantly trashing people behind their backs, your friends will start to associate the negative qualities with you as well.

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  1. Try to display positive emotions

Emotional contagion describes what happens when people are strongly influenced by the moods of other people. According to a research paper from the Ohio University and the University of Hawaii, people can unconsciously feel the emotions of those around them.

The authors of the paper say that’s possibly because we naturally mimic others’ movements and facial expressions, which in turn makes us feel something similar to what they’re feeling.

If you want to make others feel happy when they’re around you, do your best to communicate positive emotions.

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Understanding, Controlling, Repairing, And Manipulating Emotions Part IV Of VI

 

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FOR DEPRESSION

If you’re chemically depressed you want to do poses that get more blood to your head, so back-bends and inversions are great poses to practice. (Inversions are poses where your heart is lower than your head.) Back bends give you an increased ability to handle stress – they relieve tension and soothe nervous exhaustion.  

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  • Mountain pose

This is basic but effective. You want to stand up tall with your feet hips distance apart, head pointed straight ahead, in bare feet. You can either have your arms alert at your sides with your palms facing outwards, or your arms stretched straight up with palms facing, or arms stretched straight up with your fingers locked, palms turned inside out.

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  • Downward dog

This one is my fave! It’s a go-to for pretty much any kind of negative emotion.  It slows the heart rate so it’s great for calming the brain and also coincidentally – great for relieving cramps. AND it gives you renewed energy because it’s getting blood to your brain.

To do downward dog, get into a tabletop position (hands and knees).  If you have tight hamstrings, you can put your fingertips at the base of a wall to help support yourself.  Place your hands a little wider than your shoulders, your feet hips distance, then slowly lift your knees off the ground and straighten your legs. If it’s too tight on your hamstrings, then keep your knees bent a bit. The goal is to press your chest toward the ground while keeping your shoulder blades sucked onto your back. Press into your hands and heels, and picture yourself pulling your hands toward one another.

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  • Bridge pose

This is a back-bend so it gives you extra chemical soothing support! Start on your back and bend your knees so your feet are directly below them. Keep your arms straight down your sides and then bend your forearms so your fingers are pointed straight upward.  You’ll be making robot arms – fingers together, elbows pushing down into the ground. Now slowly curl your tailbone off the ground and scoop your lower body off the ground – try to do this one vertebrae at a time. You want to keep your butt relaxed and your knees lightly pushing toward one another. Don’t push too hard or put too much stress on your spine, and make sure you are keeping your core engaged. So the only things touching the ground are your shoulders, head neck and elbows. Keep looking up and make sure you have length in your neck to breathe. Come down the same way: one vertebrae at a time.

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  • Restorative Bridge Pose

If that’s too hard for you or you’re super tired, you can also do a restorative bridge pose – basically make a long row of couch cushions under your body, all the way up to the base of your shoulder blades. You’re going to then lay across them so your body is elevated about a 6 inches to 1 foot off the ground, except your shoulders, head and neck. Put your arms, elbows bent, splayed out beside your upper torso.

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  • Restorative Inversion with Legs Up the Wall

This is another relaxing one where you lie flat on the ground and scoot your butt so it’s against the base of the wall, then straighten your legs up the wall so they are straight up and down. Keep them together and stretch your arms out to the sides with palms facing up. You can stay here for 3-5 minutes.

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FOR FATIGUE AND LETHARGY

If you’re emotionally exhausted or sluggish, it’s helpful to do things to uplift your energy levels without stressing the body further.  Your nervous system is already taxed so your job is to elevate and restore. That’s why twisting poses are great: they move a lot of blood from your organs and get things flowing. They’re cleansing. Refreshing.

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  • Torso leg stretch (or Marichyasana)

Sit on the ground with both legs out straight in front of you and together.  First bend your right knee upright and twist your upper body towards it. Now extend your left arm straight and allow the upper part of your left arm to rest on the outside of your right knee.  Keep your back up straight and twist toward the right. You can use your right arm to brace yourself on the ground and keep your back straight. You can use light pressure against your bent knee to lightly twist deeper. Don’t forget to switch sides. 

*If that’s too deep a twist for you, just hold onto the bent knee and use your arms to help yourself twist.

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  • Reclining Twist (Or what I like to call, Twisted Action figure pose)

Lie flat on the ground, curl your knees into your chest and let them fall to the right, then look to the left. Let your arms extend out on both sides. Switch by flopping your legs to the other side and look the opposite direction.

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  • Plough pose

This is for more advanced yogis. It increases confidence, clarity, balance and energy. This is one of the harder poses so don’t attempt this unless you’re somewhat flexible. Also watch a YouTube how-to first.

Start by lying down flat, arms by your sides, then roll your legs up and over your head, touching your toes on the floor behind you, keeping your legs totally straight. It will look like an upside down sitting forward fold. Don’t look side to side – keep your neck and head straight. You can use your hands to brace yourself on your lower back, or keep them pressed to the ground. Come down one vertebrae at a time as slowly as possible.

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FOR ANGER

If you’re short-tempered, it’s helpful to practice heart openers. These help you regain emotional stability and also center you from turbulent emotions. If you’re prone to mood-swings, start a daily heart opener practice.

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  • Seated cross-legged position

Super basic but very helpful for increased balance, calm and grounding. This pose gets you back to an internal and meditative state. The Sanskrit word translates to ‘wellbeingness’. Sit on the ground with your legs crossed like you did in kindergarten. If it hurts your hips, sit up on a small cushion. Or even a short stack of big books. Rest your hands on your knees, keep your back straight and keep your head facing forward.

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  • Forward Folding Cross-legged position

This one is a hip-opener, so it’s great for anger and also good if you want to process and vent old anger. Same set-up: Sit cross-legged and now lift your arms straight up, keep your back straight and fold forward over your legs. Breathe slowly and deeply. Take 30 breaths then switch the cross of your legs.

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  • Downward-facing cross-legged pose (or what I like to call, the sleepy kindergartener)

Get a table or a small bench that’s the height of your breastbone and place a pillow on top of it. Sit cross-legged right in front of it – atop a pillow, if it’s more comfy. Fold your torso over the bench and lay your head on top of the pillow. It should look almost like you fell asleep while sitting at the breakfast table – but in this case, you are seated on the ground in a cross-legged position.  Extend your arms forward on the table and cross them right above the top of your head. Align your body frontally, like don’t shift your head to one side. Keep the back elongated, and if it’s not comfortable roll a small blanket and place it under your chest for more support. Breathe deeply here for 2 minutes.

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  • Simple chest opener

If you’re at work this is a great one. Stand in mountain pose, straight up and down, arms at your sides, palms out.  Now make a shape like you’re being beamed up by an alien ship from the center of your breastbone. Slowly begin to arch your chest upward toward the sky. Keep your lower abs engaged and take slow, deep and measured breaths. Allow your head to curl backwards but don’t relax your neck too much – you want to breathe fully.

Understanding, Controlling, Repairing, And Manipulating Emotions Part III Of VI

 

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Part 3: The TOOLS

TOOL 1. Nego Pattern Reflection 

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Start by examining where you could use some help. Why? Because it could be a key to altering something about your physical health that you didn’t think was changeable.

Grab your journal! This is best done with a pen and paper… You’re going to reflect on yourself and your negative habits. So ruminate on the below:

  • What are the negative coping habits that you currently have? For example, how do you manage stress? How do you deal with conflicts in your relationships? How do you avoid any hard work in your relationships? How do you take short cuts to manage things like pain?

Identify areas that you want to begin to soothe, or balance. So if it’s something like anger, anxiety, soothing tactics, resistance to accept – what is your go-to knee jerk reaction to something hurting you in life? This is not about intent – it’s about a habit, or well trained in route that you tend to take. So think of it like a form of autopilot that takes over.

Once you identify something – acknowledge to yourself, either aloud or internally that you are willing to release this habit of being.  You want to let go of the emotional go-to pattern that has created a condition in your body. Like, “I want to stop shutting off with unhealthy mechanisms.” Great! This is a great starting point to create some specific new soothing habits!

TOOL 2. Power of Intention – Personal Mantra

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This is just a simple “personal mantra” tool to use in the moment you’re experiencing a negative or toxic emotion that you don’t want to have in your body. I invite you to begin a practice of just speaking aloud the intention to let something go. Use it as a way to help yourself cease criticism in your life. Cease any emotional thoughts you have coming from fear and anger as they are what create toxins in your body. So use this tool as a way to help yourself begin to navigate out of them when you can feel an old habit taking over.

PERSONAL MANTRA: “I choose to let go of this anger.” (or fill in the blank emotion)

That act – in itself – has a lot of power to change the flow of your thoughts and how you identify your true self in the midst of emotional turmoil. Repeat the phrase to yourself as a casual meditation while breathing deeply.  Say it over and over, slowly and calmly, with deliberate focus. No matter what it is or how serious an emotion it is, sometimes this is the key to finding a way out of it. I use it sometimes when I’m mad and I know I don’t want to be – just repeating my own truth, despite the chemical state of anger.

TOOL 3. Yoga for Emotional Processing

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The next series of tools are for the specific toxic emotions including anxiety, depression, emotional lethargy, anger, and stress.

Yoga balances the mind and the body because the relationship between the two is reflexive. You don’t want your mind running away with you or creating physical ailments, so you can use the body as a way to calm the mind and keep yourself holistically balanced. With the various yoga poses, you are getting fresh blood flow to the various parts of your body and also remedying the unhealthy habits of everyday life – bad posture, cramps in the various muscles, toxins we take in. Think of it like you’re cleaning out your insides with breath, stretching, and calming chemicals. Returning to a place of peace and tranquility.

The yoga sutras were crafted somewhere between 300 BC and 300 AD and they are based on the principle that the mind and body are one being but are put in constant turmoil because of everyday life. Dealing with life stresses the body, bringing about things like depression, anxiety, rage, and restlessness. So yoga is to bring calm and balance by moving in specific ways: each pose ties to a unique benefit. We usually think of it as JUST meditation or JUST stretching but there’s a whole lot more at play depending on the part of your body you’re moving. You’re affecting the nerves, glands, tissues, and cells in the respiratory, excretory, hormonal, digestive, nervous, reproductive systems of the body.  By holding poses and curbing your mental chatter, you’re helping to create equilibrium between the intellect and the soul. It’s a practice that allows you to create discipline in your emotional self – so it helps you MANUALLY control emotional impulses. That’s why it’s so helpful for PTSD and those who suffer from addiction— you take power away from your brain, and manually soothe your emotions by creating mental detachment.

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Now for the caveats section:

  • Keep in mind that these poses are helpful for managing the effects of the problems at play by targeting specific parts of your body but they are not a substitute for modern medicine. Think of this as a daily maintenance practice to be done in addition to necessary things like taking your meds and going to the doctor.
  • If you are not COMFORTABLE in these poses then don’t do them. Sometimes it takes a while to work up enough flexibility – so take your time, keep practicing and don’t force it.
  • If the descriptions and pix don’t translate perfectly, please Google the poses so you can learn better how to do them.
  • Take all of my suggestions in based on what feels right and safe for you – I am not a doctor, I just read a lot and do a lot of yoga. And this works for me! For reals it does, I use these on a regular basis. So hopefully there’s something in here that will work for you, too.
  • All of these poses must be practiced with sincerity. In other words, commit to doing them for real and use the utmost patience – they can’t be hurried through.
  • If you’re super pregnant don’t do these. Also, don’t do these if you have super high blood pressure. In short, please don’t hurt yourself.

HOW TO USE THESE

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Treat these as focused meditational practices for venting emotions. As you do a pose, first repeat your personal mantra – make it your “dedication” or “intention” for the mini-yoga practice. I suggest making one or two of these into a daily mini-meditative yoga processing sesh targeted at releasing one particular negative emotion.

During each pose, take slow, even breaths in and out of the nose. You don’t want to do any pose that causes you to hold your breath. That’s the opposite of yoga. So, back off a bit if you find it’s hard to breathe.

Try to hold each pose for at least 30 breaths and ideally 60 breaths. It’s best to do these barefoot and in comfortable clothing, but I do a lot of these at work so I think you could too if you are in need of immediate soothing.

For visuals, you can check out a gallery of the poses as demonstrated by me in my living room.

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FOR ANXIETY

If you suffer from anxiety, poses that circulate blood and also calm your heart are very helpful.  That’s why the poses I am recommending are folding poses – they squeeze your organs to your blood circulating through your body and relax the sympathetic nervous system, the fight or flight stress system.

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  • Standing Forward Fold

This pose soothes and calms the body and brain. It’s also good for depression. Stand straight with your feet hips-distance apart. (If you have problems balancing, stand with your back against a wall – completely flat.) Make sure your weight is even in your two feet.  Now fold forwards and let your torso completely relax, take slow, even deep breaths through your nose.

If you’re flexible, you can also hold onto your elbows. If this hurts a lot – then bend your knees slightly. If that hurts still, stack some books in front of you so that you can brace your weight on them while you fold.

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  • Sitting Forward Fold 

Because your heart is horizontal and not above you, the heart is relieved a lot of work pumping blood upwards, so blood circulates more easily. It’s great for calming. Sit on your butt and extend your feet straight out in front of you, keep your toes pointed upwards. Lift your arms up and keep your back as straight as possible, now fold forward over your legs and elongate your torso. If you can, touch your toes, otherwise rest your hands next to your knees or shins. If your hamstrings are tight, bend your knees a bit.

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  • Extreme Chest Stretch

Stand up very straight with upright posture. Put your hands together behind your shoulders like a reverse prayer position– or simply hold onto opposite elbows behind your back. It’s going to puff your chest out and feel like an intense stretch on your shoulders. You might want to ease into this one if it feels super awkward, just start with the holding opposite elbows.

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  • Restorative Inversion

If you are super stiff or just totally exhausted, then it’s always better to do a restorative yoga pose. Grab a towel or a blanket and roll it up into a sausage shape. Now, lie on your back on the ground – completely flat, and place that rolled towel just below your shoulder blades so it arches up your heart above the rest of your body. Ideally, it should be about 6 inches in width. Keep your arms splayed out to the sides of your body.