Gun Control or Self Control: YOU DECIDE!!!

Image result for Gun control  and People control

Jab live on a homestead, which he hunted his meals everyday, and eat from the earth every night, Jab is a true American. His great grandparents came from the ghetto’s of the worst part of England three generations ago. Went west in the time that the country said “go west, young man, go west,” and On his way west found him a piece of land fenced it off and took ownership, three generations later it belongs to Jab and his family.  Jab actual name Jebbediah P. MacArthur and his father named him after his great grandfather, Jebbediah G. MacArthur, he was the first and original American that came from the old country.  Jab is a forty with a wife Irene and three children: Jeb junior, Mary, and little Timmy, He has been living on this piece of property all his life: he was born in the house, his great grandpa built, Married in the barn, that his grandpa built, and farmed the land that he and his father plowed, as they rotated the crops three time a year. So he is very close to his roots and very indebted to his family, he people and his land.   We can call him a gun touting, boot wearing, red-blood American man that, like his father said: :”If you want my gun , you have to pry it out of my cold dead hands.” He was even home schooled in the schoolhouse his father and uncles build, as his father would say “only stone throw from the family farm,” that is two miles from there house. He couldn’t attend college because right out of high school, he had to take over the farm from his ailing father, and he said to his dad: “I’m very happy to be useful.” Now after thirty years he feels great and privileged, as he is carrying home a deer he shot and gutted on his land.Image result for rural life

Michael is a condo owner, and today like every day he walking through the neighborhood grocery, looking for that fresh salmon his wife likes. After finishing the list he called his wife to confirm if that’s all she need from the store. Micheal is born: Micheal Johnson, and his family also came from England, in the rustic city called Berkshire and town called Thatcham, he didn’t learn this from his great grandfather because he has become senile, and very ornery in his old age.  So it was really hard to sit-down and have a nice conversation with him.

Micheal is the third generation in America, and truly a yuppie: a young person with a well-paid job and a fashionable lifestyle.  His Great-grandfather came from England to America by way of Ellis Island and “scrapped and saved,” until he could by his a small store front, and it became the biggest English bakery in the Brooklyn, working saving enough so that his grand father could go to college and then law-school.  Three years later, he set out his shingle as the first family lawyer and twenty years later became the top lawyer at the family owned: Johnson and Johnson Law Firm, addressed in Manhattan, New York.

That where Micheal works as third years partner but one of the youngest lawyers in the firm. Micheal has been married to a women named Mary for 15 years, he has three children named: Micheal Jr, Meredith, and Mandarin, keeping with the M theme. Throughout his education Micheal had gone to all the most impressive elementary, middle and high schools and hails from Princeton per-law and Yale law school, in which he Graduated Magna Cum Laude.  Daydreaming as he stands in front of  the cash register finishing his shopping, after this he will picking up the bread at his parents bakery,  in Brooklyn he will be on his way home to have Friday night dinner with the family.                                 Image result for city life

Monday, morning five am, Micheal grabs the phone, with a angry “Hello!!!” and he hears: “Micheal?” “Can you talk?” “Something serious came up, and we need you in the office as soon as possible,” without a word, Micheal set up, go up, kissed his wife and left for the office, with a curious look on his face. The office was packed with partners and lawyers all around the conference table, and secretaries and assistance standing in the back of the very large room.  Then the presiding partner, His father spoke, “Whatever cases you are dealing with will be put on the back-burner, and one of the most impressive junior partner will take all those cases,”  “is that clear?” The entire room, all said in unison yes!!! “OK we have a huge case that can across my desk at twelve O’clock, last night,” Is anyone familiar with the MacArthur case? Micheal said yes, I am,”  “Isn’t that the case with the rural shooting where the townee gets killed?”  His father said “yes” “well its has gone from a cases of mistaken Identity to a gun control case.                                                             Image result for gun control

Micheal left the office without saying a word to anyone,  he started reading through the document and the transcript of the case, Micheal realized that the actual case of mistaken Identity was over and Mr. MacArthur was found not guilty.  However the new case was brought by Mr. MacArthur and the victims family, because MacArthur believes that the gun company: Smith and Wesson  was negligent, in the creation of the weapon, the  N.R.A. was negligent for promoting and advertising this weapon as the “Weapon Of The Year” in their magazines, and the Trigger Enhancement Company, was negligent for making the trigger mechanism unreliable. The one nagging thing that bothered Micheal was, why did Mr. MacArthur pick our small law firm to represent him and the victim’s family?….

He didn’t let that bother him, he went straight to work and set up his research points: 1. Look at the :History of Smith & Wesson, and The N.R.A., 2.What is the The Trigger Enhancement Company? and The specifications the New Trigger and what makes it reliable or unreliable? and lastly for his own personal curiosity, Why did the plaintiff pick us?

  1. HISTORY OF SMITH & WESSON                  Image result for smith and wesson
    Horace Smith and Daniel Baird Wesson formed a partnership in 1852 to manufacture a firearm that could fire a fully self-contained cartridge. From the beginning, Smith & Wesson® firearms were noted for their innovative design, high quality production and reliability. The accomplishments of Smith & Wesson are numerous and its contributions to the history of firearms are vast. Smith & Wesson was an industry leader in 1852 when it was first founded and continues to lead the world today with innovations into the 21st century. (www.smith-wesson.com)Horace Smith and Daniel B. Wesson founded the Smith & Wesson Company in Norwich, Connecticut in 1852 to develop the Volcanic rifle. Smith developed a new Volcanic Cartridge, which he patented in 1854. The Smith & Wesson Company was renamed Volcanic Repeating Arms in 1855, and was purchased by Oliver Winchester. Smith left the company and returned to his native Springfield, Massachusetts, while Wesson stayed on as plant manager with Volcanic Repeating Arms.[5]As Samuel Colt‘s patent on the revolver was set to expire in 1856, Wesson began developing a prototype for a cartridge revolver. His research pointed out that a former Colt employee named Rollin White held the patent for a “Bored-through” cylinder, a component he would need for his invention. Wesson reconnected with Smith and the two partners approached White to manufacture a newly designed revolver-and-cartridge combination.[5]Rather than make White a partner in their company, Smith and Wesson paid him a royalty of $0.25 on every revolver that they made. It would become White’s responsibility to defend his patent in any court cases which eventually led to his financial ruin, but was very advantageous for the new Smith & Wesson Company.[5](Wikipedia)                                            Image result for NRA2. The National Rifle Association of America (NRA) is an American nonprofit organization which advocates for gun rights.[5][6][7] Founded in 1871, the group has informed its members about firearm-related bills since 1934, and it has directly lobbied for and against legislation since 1975.[8] It also claims to be the oldest continuously operating civil rights organization in the United States.[9]Founded to advance rifle marksmanship, the modern NRA continues to teach firearm competency and safety. It instructs civilians and law enforcement, youths and adults, in various programs. The organization also publishes several magazines and sponsors competitive marksmanship events.[8] Membership surpassed 5 million in May 2013.[5]Observers and lawmakers see the NRA as one of the top three most influential lobbying groups in Washington, DC.[10][11] Over its history the organization has influenced legislation, participated in or initiated lawsuits, and endorsed or opposed various candidates. 3. Trigger  Control  Technics                                             Image result for trigger control90 is the magic number
    Your finger should make 90 degree angles with the rifle. This will ensure that you pull the trigger straight back and don’t send the bullet veering off to the left or right. If you jack the trigger even slightly to the left or right it will send your bullet off target horizontally. The best way to make sure that you’re at 90 is to look at your finger nail and make sure it is pointing perpendicular to the direction you’re shooting and stays that way after the shot.Dry fire is your friend
    Dry firing is free, easy and essential to better shooting. Get behind your rifle, aim it at the target and squeeze the trigger like normal. This will allow you to truly analyze your form without having to worry about recoil. It’s also a good way to get familiar with your trigger and keep you from flinching.Don’t slap it
    We’ve all been there: there’s no rock solid rest, the target is in the scope but the crosshairs are moving in small circles on and off the target. There’s no time to get a better rest, it’s now or never. The natural thing to do is wait until the crosshairs hover back over the target and then jump on the trigger. This will generally work for close range shots, but if you want to go deep you need to keep your trigger squeeze consistent just like if you were shooting from the bench. This is where all that practice dry firing comes in. By now you know exactly when your trigger will fire. Time your squeeze so that it will fire just as your crosshairs cover the bullseye.Don’t let it surprise you
    Old wisdom says that you should squeeze the trigger until it goes off and the shot should surprise you. According to Bynum, this is what you tell a kid who just started shooting in order to keep him from flinching before the shot. A really good marksman knows exactly when his gun is going to fire and is ready for the recoil but doesn’t flinch in anticipation of it.

    Follow through
    This is what I spent three days working on. Pulling the trigger and holding it through the shot. It’s easy to let your finger jump off the trigger or hook around the trigger so your finger nail is pointing back toward you instead of perpendicular. The best advice I got on this was from Brent Wheat, a veteran police officer and freelance gun writer: Pull the trigger and mentally count to one before taking your finger off.                                                                                   Image result for Back to the story

    …After getting all his research, he went to work trying to come up with a case of negligence, by looking through all the information about the collective and individual Companies. He researched day and night, also working in a “hot-room” which is a question and answer session  the partners put together so that they could brain storm with. However the only thing they came up with the hit-room . is the problem with the trigger mechanism, they found out that even if it is use properly. it has intermittent issues because: one in every fifteen shoots will shoot with the slightest amount of presser n the trigger.  After finding the trigger company negligent he had to see if The NRA or The Smith & Wesson were negligent too, seeing if they know of any problems and hide the fact of the problem, or misinformed the public, because that would be Neglect!!! And Game over!!!

    It was Friday again, and  the boss, his father had his weekly update meeting, the meeting was to see if they can bring a case against all three of the entities in the complaint or one or more individual companies in the complaint. So Micheal allow all the other partners go ahead of him, before he gave the fact of his research.  Finally they came to Micheal and he used a power point to give a better explanation.  After he was finished they knew they had a case and they called all of the defendence to see if they wanted to make a deal or go to trial.  All said “No Deal, LET’S Go To Trial!!!”

     

    The first day of the trial Micheal walked into the courtroom, nervous but not afraid and noticed both side had full tables, filled with lawyers, briefs, files, paper and pen,  “armed and ready for battle.” The Judge walked in, everybody rose and then was seated, Micheal was asked to give his speech:

    “He Begins:                                                                        Image result for Talking in court

    There is a arrogance streak when a person who has perceived power and a person with no power, when given a gun, has  perceived of power!!! Guns have been known by many names: Apiece, rod, hardware, blaster,equalizer, persuader, and many more. All these name are ones you know that the possessor and owner. is either in charge or in control.  So today we have practically the entire gun empire on trial, and What do you think they are going to do? I will tell you, they will defend their guns. so that they can go home with them and feel in control in charge once again. You think they are going to play fair with a instrument that they make and design called a persuader? You think they will just take a backseat in this trial, with a thing called a equalize? or do you think they are going to let us have a easy trial, with the name blaster.    So if the “gun empire” use these words and hard line tactic to bully people,  we will prove today we will not run away, we will not if not hide we will not let them try to quiet our message. Our message is weapons not manufactured  or handle properly are “out of control” and hurt people, and weapon used properly “are in control” and they are safe and they help people. So  I saying weapon’s don’t  kill people, out of control people and bad manufactured weapons, Kill People. And people with training and in control keep people safe, Finally Lets have self -control and we will have better gun-control!!!    

 

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Agoraphobia, They Might Not Be Selfish or Boring, They Might Be Suffering

Agoraphobia

Johnny is a very out going person, handsome, funny loving person, weekly he would hang out with this friend at the clubs around town.  He drive a brand new BMW,  which is shined and polished daily,  also dressed in the best and latest Giorgio Armani suits and shirts, only wear the finest leather shoes, and owned a condo in the nice’s, riches, parts of town.  men envied him and  all the women desire him because he is so nice and fun to be around.

Johnny was a banker and he didn’t get this job because his father owned a bank, he worked hard to get this job: He got his degree in finance from Yale University, and got his MBA, from The Yale University Business School, after college started a small financial firm and made so much money, that the head of the biggest bank in town asked him to handle the banks vast portfolio, as the Bank owner said about Johnny “His was a organizing genius and a financial wiz.”    Very few people called him Johnny, because that was his nickname, most people called Mr. Gerardo, his assess included: thirty rental properties, three condos, and a fat bank account, that only he and the bank know the amount.  However beyond the money, the degrees, and the job, His friend’s know him as Johnny!!!

One day while working on a new accounting system, Johnny got a funny feeling and while eating lunch at his favorite restaurant, a cold chill came over him, he just didn’t pay it an attention, and ordered a glass of water, thinking it was something he ate. After lunch he stopped by the drug store to pick up some anti-acid, and took a couple of them, thinking  the funny feeling would go a way with the anti-acid .  As he returned to work he felt better and didn’t worry about it anymore. Until a week later, Johnny was at home, watching a brand new scary movie he downloaded from the internet for him and his friend.  His female friend was screaming and grabbing him, normally he would make his move and kiss her and its “off to the races,” but this time it was different.  He felt the chill like he felt at the restaurant, Then he felt scared, and paranoid, like the killer in the movie was coming after him, he tried to laugh at the feeling but he couldn’t shake it. It got so bad that his girlfriend that was watching the movie with him asked, “Are you OK” he gave he a cool response, but inside he was really scared. So he said, “baby lets listen to some music,” thinking that will change the mood, it did for a little while, but when she left, the fear came double hard, making him feel that he shouldn’t leave his condo. and he didn’t, for the entire night, then the next day, and then the next night.

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By Monday he felt a little better, so he went to work, he was a little worried about the feeling, so he made it a half a day off and went to the doctor, get a checkup.  While him and the doctor was kidding around, he told the doctor about what he was going through and feeling, and the doctor gave him a name to his fear: he called it Agoraphobia, then gave him a psychiatrist to see.  After he dressed he took a cab to see the psychiatrist right away, because this thing was really bothering him. On his way he googled Agoraphobia:

And it read: Fear of places and situations that might cause panic, helplessness, or embarrassment. agoraphobia is such a small word, but if you have this fear it is an debilitating, scary, petrifying, never wanting to go anywhere, and worry-sum life altering situational, experience.   More than 200.000 people are yearly diagnosed with this problem each year and 1/3 of the population experience some form paranoia from it every year.

What causes the anxiety:                                  Image result for anxiety

The anxiety is caused by fear that there’s no easy way to escape or get help if the anxiety intensifies. Most people who have agoraphobia develop it after having one or more panic attacks, causing them to worry about having another attack and avoid the places where it may happen again.

People with agoraphobia often have a hard time feeling safe in any public place, especially where crowds gather. You may feel that you need a companion, such as a relative or friend, to go with you to public places. The fear can be so overwhelming that you may feel unable to leave your home.

Agoraphobia treatment can be challenging because it usually means confronting your fears. But with psychotherapy and medications, you can escape the trap of agoraphobia and live a more enjoyable life.

Symptoms

Typical agoraphobia symptoms include fear of:                  Image result for agoraphobia

  • Leaving home alone
  • Crowds or waiting in line
  • Enclosed spaces, such as movie theaters, elevators or small stores
  • Open spaces, such as parking lots, bridges or malls
  • Using public transportation, such as a bus, plane or train

These situations cause anxiety because you fear you won’t be able to escape or find help if you start to feel panicked or have other disabling or embarrassing symptoms.

In addition:

  • Fear or anxiety almost always results from exposure to the situation
  • Your fear or anxiety is out of proportion to the actual danger of the situation
  • You avoid the situation, you need a companion to go with you, or you endure the situation but are extremely distressed
  • You experience significant distress or problems with social situations, work or other areas in your life because of the fear, anxiety or avoidance
  • Your phobia and avoidance usually lasts six months or longer.

    Therapy                  Edit

    Systematic desensitization can provide lasting relief to the majority of patients with panic disorder and agoraphobia. Disappearance of residual and sub-clinical agoraphobic avoidance, and not simply of panic attacks, should be the aim of exposure therapy.[31] Similarly, systematic desensitization may also be used. Many patients can deal with exposure easier if they are in the company of a friend on whom they can rely.[32] Patients must remain in the situation until anxiety has abated, because if they leave the situation, the phobic response will not decrease and it may even rise.[32]

    A related exposure treatment is in vivoexposure, a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy method, that gradually exposes patients to the feared situations or objects.[33] This treatment was largely effective with an effect size from d = 0.78 to d = 1.34, and these effects were shown to increase over time, proving that the treatment had long term efficacy (up to 12 months after treatment).[33]

    Psychological interventions in combination with pharmaceutical treatments were overall more effective than treatments simply involving either CBT or pharmaceuticals.[33]Further research showed there was no significant effect between using group CBT versus individual CBT.[33]

    Cognitive restructuring has also proved useful in treating agoraphobia. This treatment involves coaching a participant through a dianoetic discussion, with the intent of replacing irrational, counterproductive beliefs with more factual and beneficial ones.[citation needed]

    Relaxation techniques are often useful skills for the agoraphobic to develop, as they can be used to stop or prevent symptoms of anxiety and panic.[citation needed]

    Medications              Image result for medicine   Edit

    Antidepressant medications most commonly used to treat anxiety disorders are mainly selective serotonin reuptake inhibitorsBenzodiazepinesmonoamine oxidase inhibitor, and tricyclic antidepressants are also sometimes prescribed for treatment of agoraphobia.[citation needed] Antidepressants are important because some have antipanic effects.[32] Antidepressants should be used in conjunction with exposure as a form of self-help or with cognitive behaviour therapy.[32] A combination of medication and cognitive behaviour therapy is sometimes the most effective treatment for agoraphobia.[32]

    Benzodiazepines, antianxiety medications such as alprazolam and clonazepam, are used to treat anxiety and can also help control the symptoms of a panic attack. If taken in doses larger than those prescribed, or for too long, they can cause dependence. Side effects may include confusion, drowsiness, light-headedness, loss of balance, and memory loss.

    Alternative medicineEdit

    Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) has been studied as a possible treatment for agoraphobia, with poor results.[34] As such, EMDR is only recommended in cases where cognitive-behavioral approaches have proven ineffective or in cases where agoraphobia has developed following trauma.[35]

    Many people with anxiety disorders benefit from joining a self-help or support group(telephone conference-call support groups or online support groups being of particular help for completely housebound individuals). Sharing problems and achievements with others, as well as sharing various self-help tools, are common activities in these groups. In particular, stress management techniques and various kinds of meditation practices and visualization techniques can help people with anxiety disorders calm themselves and may enhance the effects of therapy, as can service to others, which can distract from the self-absorption that tends to go with anxiety problems. Also, preliminary evidence suggests aerobic exercise may have a calming effect. Since caffeine, certain illicit drugs, and even some over-the-counter cold medications can aggravate the symptoms of anxiety disorders, they should be avoided.[36]

Image result for agoraphobia

Arriving at the “shrink” he was worried but talked himself into going to talk to the doctor anyway, walking up the stairs, the glass door read: DR. William, Walters: Doctor of Psychiatry.  He walked in and said: My name is Mr. John Gerardo and… and the secretary said, He is in his office waiting for you, so he turned and walked into the room.  Johnny worked with DR. Walters for about fourteen week and was feeling better, Dr. Walter gave him a couple of prescriptions and he was continuing to make progress.  Talking with the doctor he learned a lot about his new disease, and how to relax, breath comfortably, and lower his stress.  The bank even worked with him, and offered him a position to work from home, they also gave him an assistant to work on his new accounting system. 

Just like Johnny there are many people that get struck down with this disease everyday, every-week,  and every-year. its a terrible, debilitating disease, but it can easily be cured. With a little counseling, medication, or non-medication treatment under a doctors care.   Don’t let the fear or embarrassment, stop you from being free from these fear-filled panic attacks. So if you feel any problem any thing that resembles Johnny’s disease, go to the doctor or tell someone, and get help, because its too many people out here suffering in silence and they don’t have to.  Again If you’re  feel fearful, call someone: a friend, a prayer phone-line, a helpline, in Ohio call 311 and get some help, so you don’t have to suffer alone.                                                                                                             Image result for people hugging


Talking too Much in a Crowd, Is it a Introverts? That Happens To Be Nervous Talkers? No it’s An Ambivert

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Casey was a shy, beautiful, sweet, nice, very quiet girl, that was always the kind of person you could talk to, when you were happy, but she had this gift of an empathetic ear when you were sad. This ear was the thing that everybody love about her, because she would listen intently to anyone’s problems, complaints, and fear, without talking, or making a person feel uncomfortable. This made her well love by her family, peers, and community, but she always had a secret dream, to be a popular, talkative and out going and never told anyone.  Now she was on her way to college, away from her parents, family, and friends, she felt more and more shy, and a little bit scared and more and more withdrawn.

Josie was a very popular girl, with all the trimmings: great shape, fun personality, charismatic, talkative, and a little arrogant. She is on her way to college too, and couldn’t wait to leave home, and as her family is driving her to school, she is anxious, and mean, because she’s ready to get to campus: unpacking, change clothes and start having fun. Josie is not close with her family, because everyday she wasn’t at school, she was out with friends, at work, or with her boyfriend, Carl, and she is a little angry because, before she left she couldn’t, find the right time to breakup with him. Thinking to herself “new college life, new college guy.”                       Image result for auditorium people standing

Both read their freshman packet, which informed the that:

Freshman Orientation: August 10th 2017

Marshall Johnson University

Jack Martin Auditorium Bldg 244

They both left at seven o’clock, so they can  drop-off their things to their dorm rooms, meet their roommates, straighten up, and enough time to be at the orientation early. As Casey entered the campus, she noticed all the students moving in everywhere, turning the corner she noticed a building named Friendly Hall, she yelled “Dad, dad, stop that’s my building,” her father, calmly said “calm down sunshine I have to pull up to the drop-off point.” As he stopped she jumped out and started removing things from the car.

Josie family reached the campus a couple of minutes after, Casey’s family was removing things from their car, and she noticed that Friendly’s was her dorm too. So she had to make a scene to draw attention to herself, by pretending to drop something on her way up the stairs to the dorm.  As she looked up to see if someone would help her, a upper class person said, “no one coming so pick up yo stuff freshman,” laughing as he walked off. Just then Casey was coming down the stairs and said: “would you like some help,” my name is Casey.” Josie said “yes, and my name is Josie,” “Thank you!!!”

As she walked up the stairs Casey said “is your name by chance Josie Smith,” “Josie said ” why yes, looking curiously. Casey said “I’m your new roommate,” “I read your name on our door sign,” feeling relieved Josie said “Oh, I don’t really need anymore stakes, LoL.” Continuing to talking, laughing, as they help each other bring things up from their individual cars, they almost forgot about their families.  Finishing up and saying their goodbyes to their families, Casey asked Josie: “do you want to go to orientation together?” Josie said “Sounds great!!!”                                                               Image result for talking in a crowd

As they entered the Auditorium, they saw a sign saying:

Welcome To Marshall Johnson University Following All Signs To Freshman Orientation.

They followed the signs through the auditorium and it was packed with freshman, from every place around the world and around the country. As they approached the crowd, Casey said to herself, “I’m going to be the girl, I’ve always wanted to be, hey no one knows me.”  So when they walked through the crowd to the front, Casey started picking up some pointers from Josie, and started throwing her hair and exhibiting cocky arrogant behavior. The transition from introvert to extrovert was seamless and instantaneous, she sounded like her friend and everyone around her enjoyed this fun, beautiful, cocky, confident girl, and she liked it too. After they left the Orientation, Jodie looked at her wide-eyed and said, “What happened!!!” Casey responded, What are you talking about?!! Josie continues: “You?”, when I first met you, you  were a quiet, shy, introvert, small town girl, and when we went to the orientation, your this: confident, cocky, cool, charismatic, big city, extrovert. “What Happened?” Casey said: I don’t know, I just felt like when the people first started talking to me, that it was my world and I was in control, and I became that person.  All my life I wanted to be this girl, and WOW!!! in two minute in a crowd it happened.  Josie said “we are going to have some great times, at this University.”

What happened to Casey: was it wishful thinking? Was it a Mental or Emotional transformation?  No it wasn’t either its her actual personality trait: The three type of ways how people process information is: Introvert, Extrovert, And Ambivert: This is how they act in social gathering:                                                                                Image result for introvert extrovert ambivert

  • I am drawn to people, I get energy from social gatherings and am pretty outgoing. (Extrovert)
  • It’s draining to be around lots of people. I prefer peace, solitude and quiet time. I usually crave alone time in my free time. (Introvert)
  • It depends. (Ambivert)

 

  1. Extrovert: are typically thought of as those people who are outspoken, outgoing and predominately concerned with what’s going on with the outer world. Introverts, by contrast, are quiet, reflective and focused on the inner (mental) world. However, E/I is often seen as a kind of continuum, with people exhibiting a mix of introverted and extroverted tendencies” (i09.gizmodo.com)
  2. Introverts: sometimes avoid large groups of people, feeling more energized by time alone. The opposite of an introvert is an extrovert, who finds energy in interactions with others. Introvert can also be a verb, meaning literally to “fold inward,” or to “turn inward,” as when a child’s personality seems to introvert once she starts elementary school. ( Dictionary.com)
  3. Ambiverts adapt. At a party, an ambivert engages in boisterous conversation, fluttering from person to person all night, much like the extroverts at the gathering. But that same ambivert also enjoys dinner and a movie alone. Ambiverts act like extroverts in social situations and introverts when alone.( Dictionary.com)

 

Ambivert Test: If you’re a ambivert.                          Image result for ambivert

  1. You like attending big social gatherings and occasions but you don’t necessarily start conversations or seek out new friendships.
  2.  But you are happy if people come and talk to you and you are more likely to engage in long conversations.
  3. You don’t like being alone for a long time, however you also get tired of going out regularly. Weekends are never predictable for you.

    4. You know how to blend in really well with both introverts and extroverts and you have close friends of both types.

    5. However, your friends probably won’t get along without you.

    6. You excel at both solo projects and team work and you are just as productive in both scenarios.

    7. You still can’t decide whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert; neither can your friends.

    8. You can’t make solid decisions. Because part of you wants to slow things down and the other part wants to speed things up.

    9. You are always the sound of wisdom for your friends. Because you have the perfect balance of both introverts and extroverts, they will both come to you for advice because you can relate to both.

    10. You have fun partying and just as much fun grabbing coffee with a friend.

    11. You can read people better than most as you can put yourself in their shoes for the most part.

    12. You can be indecisive and find difficulty in expressing how you truly feel.

    13. You probably know how to enjoy your time wherever you go because the usual things that drain an introvert or an extrovert don’t drain you.

    14. You are the prefect travel partner because you are more flexible and adaptable than most people.

    15. You like being the center of attention sometimes, but too much of it makes you nervous.

    16. You have a love-hate relationship with social media. Part of you wants to participate in it and the other is really indifferent about it.

    17. You open up to people easily but it takes a while for you to trust someone.

    18. You are a great partner because you will be able to provide the perfect balance of depth and playfulness.

    19. Some days you blow up your friend’s phones and other days you completely screen their calls.

    20. You are not bipolar–you’re just an ambivert! TC mark   

 

In Conclusions:

Daily we are put in groups of : races, gender, sex, competence, friend or foe, the colors we wear, the place we’re from, education and many more types of group. This is not just a category its a fun thing to learn how you process information.  So don’t worry if  you are  confused of whether you are an extrovert or introvert? Believe it or not, the majority of us are ambiverts. With traits from both sides of the spectrum, you are more flexible than others, because you are equally comfortable being alone and with people. You are also more emotionally stable, as you find a balance in being sensitive, while not being influenced easily. The stability also makes you more intuitive — you know when to speak up and when to shut up. It doesn’t matter where you stand in the extroversion-introversion continuum, just remember, you are special and it’s time to embrace your true self and Love you!!! Oh one more question which personality trait do you think Casey had: I will tell you it was Ambivert, it just took the crowed situation to being it out.

 

Make You A Business, and Making That, Your Business

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Every day adults all over the world go out to work and get there kids ready for school, reading report, preparing for meeting, making sure we have our brief cases and name tags to: buy, sell, teach, mentor, preach, medicine, law, and many other jobs and task.

We have done done many things to obtain these positions and titles: college, grad-school, simenary, law school, medical school, test, promotions, on the job training. Working sometimes all day everyday, coming home tired, with little, having to deal with and begging bosses for promotions, raises, considerate: daily, monthly, weekly: scratching bitting, fighting, our way to the top. And after you get there, you are still ” your name, working for someone else’s company.

I was in a McDonald’s the other day, talking to a manager about a problem I had, with a meal that I was eating, and while she was talking, it hit me,”she knows more about McDonald’s, food, policy, menus, shifts, hygiene, posters, advertisement, than about anything that pertains to her as an individual. She was so comforted by a working for them, than being for herself: Making her a business, and Making that her business!!!

I’m saying, take some time and sit down, write down your skill sets, and create a business like: a consuting, a free lancy publisher, write, construction company, transportation company, taxi service, second hand store, and on and on. Make you your business.

On your time off, make it a time on for you. Remember, McDonald’s is someone’s name, and you can make sandwiches as good or maybe better, and you won’t have to work all that time for that small salary, lastly most job aren’t even paying insurance or medical benefits anyway. You should be depending on you!!! My friend was talking about, joining one if these driving companies, that gets you riders but you use your own vehicle’s. What? If you’re using your own vehicle, make all the money, because if you break down, they are not going to pay to get you back up, they will give the rides to someone else, and you also have to maintain and clean your car anyway. Also you can use you vehicle for hauling and you didn’t have to be on their schedule.                                                                          Image result for name recognition

It will be slow, but just think, when it’s up and running it’s your, and no one controls it but you, your: time, money, thoughts, your business. Then when your talking about the benefits and services your offering, and you say “We” it’s actually you, you’re talking about. OK let talk business:

How to start A business from Scratch                     Image result for how to start a business from scratch

1. Act like you know what you are doing even when you don’t. 

Boasting is nothing to be ashamed of. If you move full speed ahead with idea, people are bound to move with you despite the fact that you have no clue as to what you are doing. You won’t always feel confident, but that doesn’t mean you can’t perform.

2. Be patient if you want BIG clients.
Landing the BIG one takes time. It’s like fishing. You bait the hook and swing it high and mightily, but it can take hours to catch a big one. The same holds true for landing a corporate giant. Finding strategic customers or vendors who know your industry and believe in your product or business is manna from heaven. But it won’t take days or months to woo them. Count on years.

3. Believe in yourself.
If you do not believe in yourself, who will? Every day, look in the mirror and say, “I am the best I can possibly be and I am going to do great things today!” You have to convince yourself first before you can convince others.

4. Build a core team of people unlike yourself.
When the going gets tough, you want people at your side who are responsible, accountable and reliable. Look for people who complement you, compensate for your weakness or offer a fresh perspective. Impose on them to challenge you constantly by taking a critical or contrasting position. How else will you and the organization grow?

5. Create luck.
Sure, we all run into bad luck at some time or another but the secret is learning how to squeeze out the negative and only work with the positive. In other words, search for ways to turn a misfortune into a benefit. Give yourself plenty of time to turn things around. The key to creating luck is to seek opportunities. Think about the good things happening in your life and work your way toward making every day an even better day.

6. Define your business but remember to put the customers first.
Refer to Henry Ford’s classic statement, “An American can have a Ford in any color so long as its black.” The business is not about you, it’s about the vision you have that should serve customers. Theodore Leavitt had it right when he said, “The purpose of a business is to get and keep a customer.” Peter Drucker stated, “Companies are not in business to make items, but to make customers.”

7. Delegate when you can.
Control freaks, perfectionists and compulsive people are “out.” Delegators are “in.” Who’s going to get more done, the gal who delegates the work to 100 people or the guy who does it all himself? By delegating responsibilities early on, you will have time to consider the needs of the business as a whole. Or ask for help and always ask questions!!!

8. Don’t quit your job until you have your first BIG customer.
What’s a business without at least one rock-solid customer? It’s a frustrating hobby. Before you even think of starting a business and running it full time, you better have a BIG customer or a handful of small ones who pay well and are committed for the long haul.

9. Evaluate the source when you seek advice.
If you ask a homeless person whether you should launch a new product and he shouts, “Full speed ahead,” and then burps — would you heed his advice? Pose the same question to the CEO of a publicly traded company and her answer will differ greatly. Respect and trust your source.

10. Exude enthusiasm and positiveness.
What turns you on — an enthusiastic and positive person or one who never smiles and never jumps up and down at your new idea? Start jumping up and down and look for people who will happily join you.

11. Figure out how to get around or through an obstacle.
If you can’t get around it, then prepare yourself to go through it. Each of us has experienced problems that won’t go away. The best solution is one that allows you to break an “issue” down into manageable parts until nothing is left unsolved. Another method is to talk it over with friends, colleagues or family. You’ll be surprised at how many people have faced a similar situation and are more than happy to share what they have learned.

12. Get a grip on cash.
To run a lean, alert and ready-for-challenge business, you have to tidy up your balance sheet and have enough money at your disposal. Know where your money is coming from and where it’s going. Most new businesses fail, and many do so because they are undercapitalized. Small businesses by definition tend to be thrifty even in good times, and bad times are all the more the reason to keep belts tight.

13. Go to the bank when you don’t need to.
Just like going to the store when you are hungry makes you buy more than you intended, going to the bank penniless places you in a very vulnerable position. Get the paperwork for a loan done well in advance of being in a desperate situation and build a relationship before the economy sours. You want to always be in a position to weather the storm.

14. Have a mentor.
Nothing beats turning to someone who’s been there and can provide you with perspectives that you are unable or unwilling to see. Mentors spare you from making costly mistakes or learning lessons the hard way.

15. Hire the best team you can afford.
Don’t be cheap. Don’t be stupid. Offer what you can afford and be willing to explain why. If there is more to come, tell them so. If that’s unlikely, then say that too. No one ever walked away from a great opportunity just because the money wasn’t there. They turned it down because the person behind the offering wasn’t a straight shooter.

16. Learn from all of your successes.
Don’t be defined by one moment. If you learn only one lesson, you‚re destined to fail because you will apply it in every situation. However, if you learn many important daily lessons, you will have a war chest of material from which to draw.

17. Invest in the people you hire.
Think vacation and flex time, bonuses, health clubs, recognition for performance, opportunities for growth and advancement and the need for respect, sponsors and mentors. Employees look at both the “soft” and “hard” sides of the job before they decide to take it. Invest in your people. They are precious assets that will appreciate as you grow.

18. Keep your business plan simple and clutter-free.
Don’t over-complicate your business plan. It should be easy to follow, easy to execute and easy to modify. Clarity is more important than bulk. Use the plan as a compass to guide your business. Keep it clutter-free.

19. Live more like a farmer than a parachute salesperson.
A parachute salesperson drops in and stays for a moment. A farmer, on the other hand, plants different seeds to mature at different times and harvests them constantly. Properly nurtured crops (customers) can take care of you for the rest of your life.                          (Laura Delaney)

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In Conclusion

Starting a business will give you a great feeling of accomplishment and personal success. Just remember: make it a skill you currently possess, take time to research all the things you have to do offer the service, such as: license’s, and permits, find a mentor as soon as possible, and lastly, find a way to get your name out: posters, banners, cards, or advertisement. And have fun

The History of Music and  Songs. What An Amazing Gift!!!

Hoshino Gen Performs on SONGS for September 28

Turning on the radio, watch television, listen to a ringtone’s, elevator music, or almost every where you go. You are constantly bombarded and sometimes interrupted by music. Songs that take you back: to a places,to a times, to church, a relationships, a moments. It seems like music and songs are a part of our everyday lives and have always been there from the beginning of our lives. In this blog I will explain the History of Music and when music became songs, lately when notation, music theory and redistribute happened!!!

Music is defined as: is an art form and cultural activity whose medium is sound organized in time. The common elements of music are pitch (which governs melodyand harmony), rhythm (and its associated concepts tempometer, and articulation), dynamics (loudness and softness), and the sonic qualities of timbre and texture (which are sometimes termed the “color” of a musical sound). (Wikipida).

History Of Music:                              Image result for History of Music

The earliest forms of music were probably drum-based, percussion instruments being the most readily available at the time (i.e. rocks, sticks). These simplest of simple instruments are thought to have been used in religious ceremonies as representations of animals. There was no notation or writing of this kind of “music” and its sounds can only be extrapolated from the music of (South) American Indians and African natives who still adhere to some of the ancient religious practices.

As for the more advanced instruments, their evolution was slow and steady. It is known that by 4000 BCE the Egyptians had created harps and flutes, and by 3500 BCE lyres and double-reeded clarinets had been developed.

In Denmark, by 2500 BCE an early form of the trumpet had been developed. This trumpet is what is now known as a “natural trumpet.” It is valveless, and depends completely on manipulation of the lips to change pitch.

One of the most popular instruments today was created in 1500 BCE by the Hittites. I am talking about the guitar. This was a great step; the use of frets to change the pitch of a vibrating string would lead to later instruments such as the violin and harpsichord.

In 800 BCE the first recovered piece of recorded music was found. It was written in cuneiform and was a religious hymn. It should be noted that cuneiform is not a type of musical notation.(Method-behind-the-music.com)

By 700 BCE there are records of songs that include vocals with instrumentals. This added a whole new dimension to music: accompaniment.

Music: The word derives from Greekμουσική (mousike; “art of the Muses“).[1] In Greek mythology, the nine Museswere the goddesses who inspired literature, science, and the arts and who were the source of the knowledge embodied in the poetry, song-lyrics, and myths in the Greek culture. According to the Online Etymological Dictionary, the term “music” is derived from “mid-13c., musike, from Old French musique (12c.) and directly from Latin musica “the art of music,” also including poetry (also [the] source of Spanish musica, Italian musicaOld High German mosica, German Musik, Dutch muziek, Danish musik).” This is derived from the “…Greek mousike (techne) “(art) of the Muses,” from fem. of mousikos “pertaining to the Muses,” from Mousa “Muse” (see muse (n.)). Modern spelling [dates] from [the] 1630s. In classical Greece, [the term “music” refers to] any art in which the Muses presided, but especially music and lyric poetry.  (wikipida) 

Middle Age Of Music                     Image result for middle age of Music

Most of the music created after Rome fell was commissioned by the church. The Catholic religion has a long history of involvement (for better or worse) with the musical arts. In 600 CE Pope Gregory had the Schola Cantarum built. This was the first music school in Europe.(Method-behind-the-music.com)

Meanwhile in China, music was progressing also: it was reported that in 612 CE there were orchestras with hundreds of musicians performing for the assorted dynasties. Although the specific music from this period in China is unknown, the distinct style supposed to have developed there is reflected even in recent orchestral Asiatic pieces.

In 650 CE a new system of writing music was developed using “neumes” as a notation for groups of notes in music.(Method-behind-the-music.com)

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Writing of Music                                        

In 850 CE Catholic musicians had a breakthrough by inventing the church “modes.” These modes would later metamorphose into today’s major and minor scales. In 855 CE, the first polyphonic (2 unrelated melodies/voices at once) piece was recorded, and by 1056 this polyphonic style replaced Gregorian chants (Method-behind-the-music.com)

Music Theory and The Beginning of Vocal(songs)    

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In 1000 CE Guido D’Arezzo made many improvements in music theory. He first improved and reworked standard notation to be more user-friendly by adding time signatures. Then he invented solfege. This is the vocal note scale: do, re, mi, fa, so, la ,ti, do. This innovation has affected almost every modern vocalist. Which today we call a song. (Method-behind-the-music.com)

What is a Song:

A song is a short poem or other set of words set to music or meant to be sung, words  combined to melody and vocals, although some composers have written instrumental pieces, or musical works without words, that mimic the quality of a singing voice. The words of a song are called lyrics. Lyrics can include a series of verses, the longer sections of the song that tell the story, and a refrain, a short phrase repeated at the end of every verse. Songs can have a simple structure of one or two verses, or a more complex one with multiple verses and refrains. Songs usually have a meter or beat. Whether you sing or speak the lyrics, you can feel a pattern or pulse in the way the words move the song forward.

Beginning Of Secular Music and Music Reproduction

In 1100 CE, a new secular movement began. This separation of Church from music was a straddling one, and soon this new “folk” music was looked down upon as pagan and borderline blasphemous.(Method-behind-the-music.com)

On the dawn of the Renaissance in 1465 the printing press was first used to print music. By using a press a composer could organize his pieces and profit from them with great ease. In 1490 Boethius’s writings on opera were republished in Italian. (Method-behind-the-music.com)

In almost 1500 years Music had a long argurious journey and meant  helping hands, from beats, to sound, to music, to song, To today’s Music.  Wow what a treasure and what a gift,  that these hard working individuals, have given us and it was not without: hard  nights working, suffering, and controversy and today we enjoy the fruits of their labor. With all types of music, and different genres, and with the invention of electricity, radio, and other devices, we also have so many ways to enjoy music. It has become so much a part of our landscape and our lives. Today we have so many songs:  we have songs we like, songs we don’t like, we have school song, and theme songs, and romantic songs, and in relationships “your song”, marriage songs, furneral songs, favorite songs, dance songs, kindergarten songs and even educational songs and many, many more types of songs.  Songs and music a such a part of our lives that we not only enjoy songs, we also need them also.

Six Reasons We Enjoy and Need Music and Songs:

6.) To Learn About Others (and the World)

Funnily enough, music seems to be able to “communicate” a lot about a person, both in terms of the music they create and the music they enjoy.

Psychological research backs up the importance of the information music sends out to others about our personalities.

In one study participants could broadly judge another’s personality solely on the basis of their top 10 songs.

Music also seems to reflect the current state of the society it was made in.

According to Dodds and Danforth, lyrics from many popular songs saw a trend of lyrics reflecting a depressed outlook on society in 1985, with a slow upturn around 1990.

The really interesting part? This change was seen across all genres.

5.) For Personal Identity

Researchers found that the type of music that we like is often a reflection of something that we see inside ourselves.

This thought process is a mix of the psychological processes of modelling and framing.

We also seem to discover ourselves through music.

Music often serves as an a form of expression to teach us who we are (or who we think we are/want to be) and where we belong.

One interesting point of note is that according to recent research of top 10 lyrics, the results indicated that popular music is becoming more narcissistic, with many lyrics focusing on anti-social & self-interested behavior.

4.) Forming Relationships

While music can be a private activity, there is often a very important social function attached to music and its many genres.

Music tends to be a point of conversation for most people, we’re often inclined to listen and share music with other people.

Love and music tend to relate closely with one another, in fact, much closer than you might think: researchers conducted an experiment to see if music had any effect on romantic interest (ie, would playing romantic music make women more inclined to date those asking?).

The answer was a resounding yes.

The percentage of women who agreed to a date almost doubled from 28% to 52% after they had been played some romantic music.

The song that the researchers played was Je l’aime à mourir, if you were wondering.

ladies.

2/3.) Diversion & mood management

These two actually tied in the study, they are also closely related.

Mood management: Researchers found while music (obviously) has cues for all emotional responses, music was very closely connected to sadness and other “low” moods.

Music was found to relieve stress, tension, and aid in dealing with emotional pain.

I recall reading a very sad story on Reddit about a man who lost his wife to cancer, and he was asking for sad songs to listen to. When a user replied “Don’t dwell in your grief,”, his response was:

 This is art’s great moment for me.

This is when art steps up. Listening to these artists makes me feel less alone in my grief. It reminds me that others have gone through what I’m going through.

That I’m really not as alone as I feel right now.

His entire response was truly touching.

It also reflects the healing power that music seems to hold: those who have underwent painful medical procedures were found to have positive responses to music during their most stressful post-op moments. Sad songs have been shown to be beneficial for mood, even though they are slightly depressing.

(One thing that stood out to me was that the line “It reminds me that others…” was closely touched upon in the study: music can be communal even when listened to alone).

Music also serves to divert us; it’s often used as an escape from the mundane or a haven for our when our minds don’t know “what else to do” at the moment. Be warned that music does decrease cognitive ability on difficult tasks.

1.) Positivity

Time to end things on a high note. 🙂

Music had the closest connection with having a positive outlook (even more so than “low” moods), and it’s really no wonder: it is intrinsically tied to positive mood management, helping us make our good times even better.

In fact, recent research has conclusively shown that music makes us more hopeful:

…participants were falsely told they’d done badly on a task.

Those who were played some positive music afterwards, were more hopeful about the future than those left in silence.

Funny that music would have such clear connections to the two ends of our emotional spectrum, or perhaps it’s not so surprising at all.                (www.sophistefunk.com)

In Conclusion:

From slience to musical genra’s to the  music industries to music awards.  I have to say “we love music” and throughout the years, we’ve had our favorites. The creation of this art form, has gone around the world and back, and it’s touched and influenced, every culture, every individual, and every Society.  It’s had it’s controversy, when secular music was called borderline blasphemous. However when that was over, and music with free to soar, it went from wondering, to wonderful, and amazing, and it has been putting us in awe every since. So if you don’t have any music playing while finish this blog, this is a good time to play a song like: “The greatest Love of All” or one of your favorites and celebrate our wonderful gift, Music!!!

The Pursuit of Happiness: How to find and Maintain Happiness!!!

What Is Happiness? - Psychologists Loganholme & Capalaba

Have you ever took time, by yourself, with yourself, and ask yourself this question: What Actually Makes Me Happy?

It was a rainy Monday morning, and Justin and Randy we’re two friends they meet when they both worked at Arby’s, and they both had to work the late shift, as they cleaned and talked they began getting closer and closer.

One day Randy came home with a pamphlet, saying “Have The Best weekend of Your Life, at “Joe’s  Laser Tag,” Shot your Way to Happiness.”

Randy said, “Happiness?” You might have fun, but they can’t guarantee happiness, Justin answered, “they might be saying you will have so much fun, that you will be happy that you came.” He continues How can we find and maintain happiness? Justin said “that’s two great questions,” So they sought to pursue happiness.

To find happiness, you have to understand stand what is happiness? So they sought:

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The Psychology of Happiness:  

Happiness is a subjective experience – what brings elation to one person will not necessarily satisfy another – but from a psychological viewpoint, we must be able to quantify this state of mind in order to understand it. However psychologyhappiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being which can be defined by, among others, positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. Happy mental states may reflect judgement’s by a person about their overall well-being.

Now that they know what happiness is how can you find it, in this great big world?

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How to Find Happiness (10 Ways)                                                     

  1. Be with others who make you smile. Studies show that we are happiest when we are around those who are also happy. Stick with those who are joyful and let rub off on you.
  2. Hold on to your values. What you find true, what you know is fair, and what you believe in are all values. Over time, the more you honor them, the better you will feel about yourself and those you love.
  3. Accept the good. Look at your life and take stock of what’s working, and don’t push away something just because it isn’t perfect. When good things happen, even the very little ones, let them in.
  4. Imagine the best. Don’t be afraid to look at what you really want and see yourself getting it. Many people avoid this process because they don’t want to be disappointed if things don’t work out. The truth is that imagining getting what you want is a big part of achieving it.
  5. Do things you love. Maybe you can’t skydive every day or take vacations every season, but as long as you get to do the things you love every once in a while, you will find greater happiness.
  6. Find purpose. Those who believe they are contributing to the well-being of humanity tend to feel better about their lives. Most people want to be part of something greater than they are, simply because it’s fulfilling.
  7. Listen to your heart. You are the only one who knows what fills you up. Your family and friends may think you’d be great at something that really doesn’t float your boat. It can be complicated following your bliss. Just be smart, and keep your day job for the time being.
  8. Push yourself, not others. It’s easy to feel that someone else is responsible for your fulfillment, but the reality is that it is really your charge. Once you realize that, you have the power to get where you want to go. Stop blaming others or the world, and you’ll find your answers much sooner.
  9. Be open to change. Even if it doesn’t feel good, change is the one thing you can count on. Change will happen, so make contingency plans and emotionally shore yourself up for the experience.
  10. Bask in the simple pleasures. Those who love you, treasured memories, silly jokes, warm days, and starry nights—these are the ties that bind and the gifts that keep on giving.

Finally after realizing where to find, and how to obtain happiness, then they wanted to know how to maintain happiness and here is:

The 7 Habits of Happy People, From The Perspective Of Scientist

Relationships

relationships

Express your heart. People who have one or more close friendships are happier. It doesn’t seem to matter if we have a large network of close relationships or not. What seems to make a difference is if and how often we cooperate in activities and share our personal feelings with a friend or relative. “Active-constructive responding,” which is the ability to express genuine interest in what people say, and respond in encouraging ways, is a powerful way to enrich relationships and cultivate positive emotions.

Acts of Kindness

caring

Cultivate kindness. People who volunteer or simply care for others on a consistent basis seem to be happier and less depressed. Although “caring” can involve volunteering as part of an organized group or club, it can be as simple as reaching out to a colleague or classmate who looks lonely or is struggling with an issue.

Exercise and Physical Wellbeing

exercise and happiness: running

Keep moving and eat well. Regular exercise has been associated with improved mental well-being and a lower incidence of depression. The Cochrane Review (the most influential medical review of its kind in the world) has produced a landmark analysis of 23 studies on exercise and depression. One of the major conclusions was that exercise had a “large clinical impact” on depression. Many studies are proving the ancient adage, “sound body, sound mind,” including the recent discovery of a “gut-brain axis,” and a possible link between excessive sugar consumption and depression.

Flow

violinistFind your flow. If we are deeply involved in trying to reach a goal, or an activity that is challenging but well suited to our skills, we experience a joyful state called “flow.” Many kinds of activities, such as sports, playing an instrument, or teaching, can produce the experience of flow.  According to Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a pioneer of the scientific study of happiness,  flow is a type of intrinsic motivation. In his words, “you do what you’re doing primarily because you like what you’re doing. If you learn only for external, extrinsic reasons, you will probably forget it as soon as you are no longer forced to remember what you want to do.”

Spiritual Engagement and Meaning

Discovering Meaning. Studies demonstrate a close link between spiritual and religious practice and happiness. Spirituality is closely related to the discovery of greater meaning in our lives. As the psychologist Martin Seligman emphasizes, through the meaningful life we discover a deeper kind of happiness,

Strengths and Virtues

Discover and use your strengths. Studies by experts such as Martin Seligman in the new field of Positive Psychology show that the happiest people are those that have discovered their unique strengths (such as persistence and critical thinking) and virtues (such as humanity) and use those strengths and virtues for a purpose that is greater than their own personal goals (Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment).

Positive Mindset: Optimism, Mindfulness and Gratitude

Winnie th Pooh

Treasure gratitude, mindfulness, and hope. Of all the areas studied in the relatively young field of positive psychology, gratitude has perhaps received the most attention. Grateful people have been shown to have greater positive emotion, a greater sense of belonging, and lower incidence of depression and stress.

Conclusion 1

Justin and Randy researched and worked so hard, that without noticing it that they had a great time, and realized that they were happy, made others happy, and everytime they tell of their pursuit of happiness, they make the listener smile. So try this journey yourself, you might get a little happier too

In Conclusion 2                             Image result for finding happiness

As a child going to Church my pastor told me, “happiness is a feeling and you can’t find it” so pursue helping others and you will have a valued life and might find a little happiness too.” I thought that was a good answer but I said that I will him one better and wrote this blog. So that people that want to find happiness can have something to follow and keep on believing that all things are possible if you work hard and believe!!!

The History and Evolution Of The Business Card: Featuring A New Card With The NFC chip Technology

I’ve been with using business card’s to network for years and I think I’ve had all kinds,

  • Varnish / Spot UV Printed Business Card Design Examples. …
  • Embossing / Debossing – Letterpress Business Card Designs. …
  • Foil Printing Business Card Designs. …
  • Die / Laser Cutting Business Card Designs. …
  • Matt / Shine- Glossy Laminated Business Card Designs.

Today me and a couple of friends got into a discussion on if card will change in the future: what change would make the card stand out, more than the cards we have today? So I though I take this time and investigate: the history of the business card, how business card have changed over time, and lastly  the future of business card’s.

China

It’s a small history of the Chinese: in Asia today and throughout history, the cards are regarded as an extension of the individual to be treated with honor and respect. The exchange of cards is attended with great ritual and a breech of protocol can give serious offense. How did a simple card, 3.370 x 2.125 inches come to play such a central role in the business cultural of the world? Depending on the sources consulted, the cards may actually have originated in China in the 15th century.(SageMediadesign) 

17th Century Europe

Certainly by the 17th century visiting cards or visite biletes were in use in Europe where the footmen of the aristocracy or royalty would present the cards to the servants at the home of a host to announce the impending arrival of a distinguished guest. These first cards were roughly the size of a playing card and in their earliest form were also used as all-purpose stationery on which to jot promissory notes or other messages. By the reign of the French King Louis XIV (r. 1643 to 1715), however, visiting cards had become a staple of upper echelon etiquette with a sophisticated system of rules attached to their use.(SageMediadesign)

These cards, as a means of introducing their owners, had a glory all their own, decorated with engraved ornaments and elegant coats of arms. By the 19th century a visiting (or by this time “calling”) card was essential to the life of any upper or middle class lady or gentlemen. Each home had a silver card tray, which resided on the hall table along with a pencil and a pad of paper. The cards collected in the tray served as a catalog of those who had visited the household and of the households to which a reciprocal call was due. The giving and receiving of cards, then, was tangible evidence of meeting one’s social obligations(SageMediadesign)

Cards: Utilitarian Cousin of the Visiting Card

Trade cards, on the other hand, became popular in London at the beginning of the 17th century at a time when there was no formal numbering system for streets and no well-developed newspaper industry. The trade cards served as a form of advertisement for businesses and also included maps with directions on how to reach the establishment. The earliest monotone trade cards were printed with the woodcut or letterpress method but by 1830 lithography had developed to the point that cards with several shades were used and were, in their own right, small works of art.(SageMediadesign)

1800’s United States

In the United States, however, business card use became widespread in the 1890s (the so-called age of the Captains of Industry or “robber barons”) and the cards achieved their current level of ubiquity by the early 20th century. Only the very highest social circles continue to draw a distinction between a visiting card and a business card although the former are still in limited use. Unfortunately the very common nature of such cards in America and in the United Kingdom can lead to disastrous faux pas when businessmen from those nations travel abroad.(SageMediadesign) 

Modern business cards are expected to convey the name of the card holder, his title, the company with which he is affiliated, and the relevant contact information (address, telephone and fax numbers, and email address.) Company logos are often used as well as a single statement about the business. (In some nations academic degrees, honors, and the date when the business was founded are also incorporated.) Traditionally cards are printed with black ink in clear, legible type on white cards of quality paper stock. (This may vary internationally. In China, for instance, gold ink is often used because the color is considered auspicious.)

The Future Of Business Cards

So the Business Card+ uses Paper+ with the classic business card format to create an entirely new function for business cards. With the NFC chip, you can set actions to happen upon tap with an NFC-enabled phone or tablet. Let’s say you are going out to promote your newest product, service, or location: you can program your business cards to pull up your landing page, google+ or yelp page, or social media profile focused around that service. No searching required for the recipient, which means better conversions for you.(SageMediadesign)

In Conclusion

After at least four centuries of use, cards for purposes of introduction and for the exchange of contact information, we have evolved from the early visite biletes to the business cards now central to the exchange of basic professional data in the international business community. From the elaborate ritual attached to the presentation of a piece of paper roughly 3 x 2 inches it may seem out of proportion to the object itself,  however one thing has not changed about the use of such cards is are a means of introduction and first impressions and it really still, do matter. Lastly we looked at the MOO card, this company has always featured great designs and affordable pricing. There New Business Card+ of the future ,retains both of the great  features that I referred to earlier while simultaneously innovating and driving business cards, to meet present-day technology demands.

Sheila Got a Big Old B.., The Obsession with Obsession. FADS!!!

Image result for Fads

Whats with the idea, that one person, buys, wears, dresses, talks, has a body part, and or cooks, something and it’s the new Craze. New obsession and everybody from: TV, Movies, Radio, Magazines, Posters, Billboard, to Stars, Celebrities, and Common people. are wearing it, augmenting it, owning it, and buying it. This is not a new concept.

What is  Craze:

fadtrend or craze is any form of collective behavior that develops within a culture, a generation or social group and which impulse is followed enthusiastically by a group of people for a finite period of time.

Fads are things or behaviors that have achieved short-lived popularity, but fade away.[1]Fads are often seen as sudden, quick spreading, and short-lived.[2] Fads could include diets, clothing, hairstyles, toys, and more. Some popular fads throughout history are toys such as yo-yoshula hoops and dances such as the Macarena and the twist.[3]

Image result for Fads

Similar to habits or customs but less durable, fads often result from an activity or behavior being perceived as emotionally popular or exciting within a peer group or being deemed “cool” as often promoted by social networks[4] A fad is said to “catch on” when the number of people adopting it begins to increase to the point of being noteworthy. Fads often fade quickly when the perception of novelty is gone              (Wikipedia)                                                                                        Image result for psychology

Why do people follow Fad/Craze? The psychology of fad/craze:

The social psychology phenomena known as information cascade leads to the reactive group behavior referred to as the bandwagon effect. Information cascades occur when the observed behavior of others causes individuals to behave in a similar manner, even when that behavior contradicts their own thoughts, beliefs or preferences. he bandwagon effect refers to the increasing rate at which the ideas, fads and trends, propagated by the information cascade, spread as more and more people adopt the behavior, i.e., hop on the bandwagon.

Another behavioral phenomenon that drives the proliferation of fads is the scarcity principle, whereby the perceived rarity or difficulty in obtaining an item fuels the both urgency to acquire, and its perceived value. Combined with the reactant theory, which describes how individuals’ motivation to obtain or participate in something increases with the notion that the choices are restricted, it explains why people react to “limited time only” or “limited supply” offers, when they might otherwise not respond so enthusiastically.           (Psych Pstuff)                                                                                                                                            Image result for mindset

The Mindset of How Fads /Crazes Start:  As Muppet creator Jim Henson, once noted “Nobody creates a fad. It just happens. People love going along with the idea of a beautiful pig. It’s like a conspiracy.” 

A fad calls attention to recreational needs; the circumstances surrounding a panic monopolize public attention. Second, all forms of collective behavior contribute to polarization’s, forcing people to take sides on issues and eliminating the middle ground. Often a three-sided conflict develops among the two polarized groups and mediators who wish to de-emphasize divisive issues altogether. Third, every instance of collective behavior either alters or strengthens the makeup of group and community leadership. The swings of fashion discredit some clothes designers and boost others to prominence. A riot or a wildcat strike usually reveals the inability of established leaders to control their members and produces emergent leaders from among the spokesmen acceptable to members. (Encyclopedia Britannica)

In short people see something that will be fun to use, a company says “its a limited time, or it’s in short supply, causing people to panic, which get public attention on the shortage. Making people think, ” I better get it before its gone, and be cool and my friends will envy me” or “I’m not going get it and not be cool or a trend setter.” This causes a craze, because people are not thinking (get it , not get it, or buy it later) they are thinking: “Get it, be cool, Not get it, and not be cool.” No middle ground. So Now it becomes such a strong need for the fad that people are: in riot mode and battle striking mode, and without any leaders or people controlling the huge need, people are ready to pounce. 

Termination of fads (How Fads End)              Image result for termination

Primarily, fads die out because all innovative possibilities have been exhausted.[12] Fads begin to die out when people no longer see them as new and unique like they once did. As more and more people follow the fad, some people might start to see it is being “overcrowded,” and it no longer holds the same appeal.[1] Many times, those who first adopt the fad are the ones who are the first to abandon it.[1] They begin to recognize that their preoccupation with the fad means they are neglecting some of their routine activities, and they begin to see the drawbacks to the fads.[12] Once the faddists are no longer producing new variations of the fad, people begin to realize their neglect of other activities, and the dangers of the fad. However, not everyone completely abandons the fad; there are often parts of the fad that may remain.[1]

A study was conducted to look into why certain fads die out quicker than others. A marketing professor at the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School of Business, Jonah Berger and his colleague, Gael Le Mens, studied baby names in the United States and France in order to help explore the termination of fads.[9] According to their results, the faster the names became popular, the faster they lost their popularity.[9] Something else they found was that the least successful names overall were the ones that became caught on the most quickly.[9] Fads, like baby names, often lose their appeal just as quickly as they gained it. (Wikipedia)

 

Some to the biggest to date Fads/Crazes 

 

Some of the biggest Fads:  hula-hoops to cabbage patch dolls to fidget spinners. From goldfish swallowing to streaking to twerking. From Elvis to the Beatles to Miley Cyrus. From marbles to FarmVille to Pokémon Go. Our collective obsessions represent the power of social conformity and our need to connect through shared experience, for better or worse.

In Conclusion: Fad are created and made by the idea that something is better, something is newer and much  needed and the idea “I want to be the first to have it.” Most of the time it is driven by ads that say: Limited Tim Only!!! or In Demand, Limited Supply,  or Be The First To Have,  causing an urgency and a high demand that it seem like everyone wants it and everyone has it, but You.                             Image result for trends The process is that demand goes way way up then “after it has reached a peak, it drops off abruptly, and then it is followed by a counter obsession.[12] A counter obsession means that once the fad is over, if one engages in the fad they will be ridiculed.[12] A fad’s popularity often decreases at a rapid rate once its novelty wears off. Some people might start to criticize the fad after, pointing out that it is no longer popular, so it must not have been “worth the hype.”(Wikipedia)

 

What’s the difference between Ice Brew and Ice Coffee??? Because Ice Coffee Is Just Cold Old Coffee

Image result for man and a women drinking Iced Coffee and Cold brew coffee

Michelle and Michael were friends and in a relationship from the time that they could remember.  Now that they finish college, they have been planning their wedding.  Michael picked up Mitchell on their way to the caterers, and they were laughing and joking all the way to the other-side of town. They both grew up four houses away from each other and always talked about snicking to see each other, when their mom and dad fell asleep.  Now they were laughing and joking about it just weeks away from their wedding.

One block away from the catering business, they slowed down to find a parking space, luck has it, they found one right in front of the building.  “4:30 exactly”, Michael said, Mitchell responded, “that’s why I always Loved you, because you are always on time.” As they smiled all the way to the two open chairs, that Julius had waiting for them, and as they approched they connected with him open hands and hugs to greet them.  Julius said, well hello, today I hope you brought you appetite’s with you, because we have a great day of tastey pleasures, so without any other formalities, let’s start with the appetizers, the server’s brought three trays, one with cheeses, the other with meats and last with vegetables. Michelle complimented how beautiful the food and each tray looked, and Julius said “well of course only the best, for your special day.”

Michelle asked “can we have theses tray just like this for the dinner,” as she nodded to Michael, and he said “Great idea, well can we? Julius said we can accommodate you with anything you desire. So they put the trays on the wedding dinner list,  as they waited for the main course. Julius asked them would they like some Ice Coffee or any other beverage to drink, they both “made a face” and said no, and asked for wine.  Julius caught the look Michael and Michelle did and jokingly asked “why did you make that face, when I asked if you wanted Ice Coffee?” Michael started “I think Ice Coffee, is just cold old Coffee.” “What” said Julius, he continues “no, Ice Coffee, and cold brew coffee are made with two different processes:Image result for Iced Coffee and Cold brew coffee

Cold brew: is brewed using room temperature or cold water, and the water usually has direct contact with the coffee grounds between 12-24 hours. Once the coffee has finished steeping, the end product is a strong concentrate that can be mixed with water to make cold brew (usually it’s about a 50:50 mix of coffee concentrate to water, but it depends how strong you like your coffee). Because there’s no hot water involved in the brewing process, cold brew is generally less acidic, has more body, and is a bit more mellow taste iced coffee,

Ice Coffee: they simply poured hot coffee over ice. The end product tasted too diluted, so most people have moved away from that process and started making a double batch (by using double the amount of coffee grounds in their coffee maker), letting it cool, and then pouring it over ice. To make your brew taste even stronger, you can take a pot of cool coffee and pour it into an ice cube tray and freeze it. The next day, pour hot coffee over your coffee ice cubes and voila!  

Cold brew: Made with cold water. Less acidic. Less bitter. Typically more expensive than iced coffee.

Iced coffee: Made with hot or room temperature water. More acidic and bitter. Cheaper than cold brew.                                (www royalcupcoffee.com)

“So” Julius said “yes Ice Coffee is cold old Coffee but cold brew is an experience,” So Michael and Michelle asked him to bring them each one of each beverage to taste. They tried them and chose Cold Brew as a chose beverage for their wedding!!!

On the way home, Michael and Michelle started talking, and Michelle asked Michael, what brand of cold do you want to use for the wedding? Then Michael asked: how many brands are there? is there any different between them? and lasly which one taste best? Michelle said let’s do a taste test: they tested:

A. 9 Brands of Cold Brew: 9 Excellent Cold Brew Coffees

  • Installation Coffee Company (two 32-ounce bottles for $37) …
  • Blue Bottle New Orleans Iced Coffee ($4) …
  • Stumptown, Cold Brew ($4) …
  • Stumptown, Cold Brew with Milk ($4) …
  • Stumptown, Nitro ($5) …
  • Red Thread Good ($4) …
  • Secret Squirrel ($4, and three 16-ounce concentrate bottles for $30) …
  • Chameleon ($4)
  • Image result for variety of cold brew coffees

B. The difference between brands:

Scouting the internet for which roast works best in cold brew, you will be divided between coffee enthusiasts:

Some swear that a 12-ounce (340 gram) $18 bag of light roasted, natural Ethiopia Yirgacheffe makes the best cold brew possible. The next guy will argue that the $8, 1-pound (454 gram) bag of dark roast from the supermarket makes an even better cold brew.

In the end, it comes down to preference. There is no right or wrong. However, it seems the majority tends to be in favor of darker roasts for cold brew. And there’s a reason for that.

Cold brew has a tendency to taste of darker, richer flavors, such as nutty, chocolaty, syrupy or earthy. And even if you are able to extract the brighter notes, the robust flavors tend to overpower the brighter ones. 

After Michael and Michelle finished their testing they choose: Stumptown Cold Brew with Milk ($4)

Image result for Stumptown Cold Brew with Milk ($4)

In Conclusion:

With this blog, I learned a lot about Ice Coffee, and Cold Brew Coffee, and I also found a new beverage that I truly enjoy.  I hope I gave you some insight in the world of Cold Brew Coffee, and Ice Coffee. So If you haven’t tried it, give it a chance, I promise, you will be impressed!!!

Image result for man and a women drinking Iced Coffee and Cold brew coffee

 



Making a Mountain Out Of a Hysteria!!!

cartoon

 

Jane is a twenty-one year old student at Ohio University, in her fourth year of her Major: Teacher K-12th. This week she is starting her internship and theses are the guideline:

A few guidelines for the student who is selected for an Internship:

  • Internships are only offered Fall to Spring semesters; there are no Spring semester Internships offered
  • All program classes must be completed by April for Fall Internship
  • All Secondary Education course work and methods courses must be completed with a B- or higher prior to the Internship
  • All content area courses must be completed with a C or higher prior to the Internship
  • Students must pass their content area Praxis exam prior to applying for an Internship
  • Classroom Management II course is taken during the first part of the Internship
  • Application Deadline for an Internship is the 3rd Friday in January
  • Students may not solicit schools for Internship placements
  • Students must present student teaching license by the application deadline
  • Graduation date will be April of each year                                Image result for teacher internships

The school that she chose to finish her studies is: Holy Nation of Blessing school and today was her first day.  She is anxious and nervous because she wants to make a good impression, when she meets her Training-Teacher. As she entered the parking lot her stomach was in knots, but she remember her breathing exercises, and practiced as she parked, her gray Honda Accord, thinking to herself: “the first thing I’m going to buy right out of college is a new car.” Walking into the school she realized that, thinking about a new car was a welcome distraction, because she was relaxed for about ten-second and it was so very nice.  Now back to reality: stomach back in knots, walking the quiet halls she could hear her heel clicking ever step down the big empty hallway, saying to herself “room 221, 222, 223, and my room for the next three month’s 224.” “Wow” “No ones here she” exclaimed “I have a couple of minutes before she arrives,” and from the back of the room she hears: “Hey. you’re finally go here?” and Jane almost “jumped out of her skin.” The dark figure came from behind the tall room-divider with her hand stretched-out ,  say “Good Morning”, I’m Mrs. Jones,” and “I will be teaching you and helping you with classroom management, and teaching curriculum”  she continued “I have been teaching for twenty-three years and have been a lead teacher for five”, “so anything you need to know”, “I will have a frame of reference or we can find out.”  Jane felt her face was hot and red as a beach ball, grabbed her hand and said: “I’m Jane Wooden,” “and I will be open to anything you can teach me.”

The day’s went well for Jane and Mrs. Jones they learned each other habits, and became fast friends, until one day when Jane got a paper cut.  It was the end of the day on Friday, and Jane had big plans, because she would see he boyfriend Mark, he was coming in from out of town for the weekend, and she was excited.  So, as she picked up the last paper, she exclaimed: “Ouch, got a paper cut!” and start sucking her finger, Mrs Jones, Yelled “don’t do that you might cause an infection.” Jane said “I’m o.k. I do this alot now that I’m in school, Mrs Jones: said you don’t want it to infect, or continue to bleed, or you might lose your finger!!” Jane said in calm voice, “well what do you suggest.” Mrs. Jones said “come here and we will wash it, and then get a clean bandage for it.” As Jane left the classroom she realized, That Mrs. Jones was, “making a mountain out of a mole hill.”

Monday morning Jane and Mrs. Jones returned to the class early, Jane was happy, humming, and smiling, because she had a great time with Mark.  Mrs. Jones called out “Jane can you come here please.”   Jane said “yes coming,” when she walked in the room, she saw all kind of disinfectants, bandages, wound cleaner, and galls, all over the teachers desk.  Jane asked what are these for? Mrs. Jones said: “You, sweetie,” so let me see that cut you got on Friday, and see how its healing? Jane showed her finger, and Mrs. Jones just was cleaning and wiping it.  Jane was thinking to herself, “what is her issue, and where did she get all this medical stuff ???Image result for bandages

Have you ever had this happen to you? You ask a person about a cold you were having and they say: Girl you better get that checked, it might be pneumonia???  When they do this, it’s not a diagnosis its, hysteria because most of them aren’t Doctors, Nurses, and are not  qualified to give any type of diagnosis. theses people are shade-tree (Amateur) doctor, with no schooling, licence, or credentials. that is just giving you a negative, fearful, non-educated, diagnosis,     So, Amateur Doctors, If you are going to help someone find out whats going on with: a cough, they’ve had for over two week, People that get hurt, or a sick, or even are having problem with, ingestion, digestion, and or headache, please give gentle comment. not a fearful wrong diagnoses. For further help, about respond read the:Image result for doctor bedside manner

5 Proper Ways To Treat The Hurting:

1. As long as you remain present, patient and extend unconditional support, offer yourself as a non-judgmental listener, you will likely do well.

2. Listen with sensitivity. Do your best not to interrupt and try not to anticipate what the person is about to say. This is not a time to finish their sentences. Listen with your body, your face, your heart.

3. If the person seems to be interested in talking, encourage them with phrases such as: “tell me more” or “I see…” nodding, reflect back what you heard by paraphrasing.

Share your own experience but do not dwell on it. Use it only to “level the playing field” and let this person know that you, too, have experienced a time in your life when you felt scared or threatened or incapacitated… and what you found helpful.

Respect silence if that is what is called for. Sometimes people stop talking to deal with their emotional response to what is or has been said. Use that silence to reflect yourself.

 

4. Be careful with advice. Most people who are ill do not want advice, they want to talk things out to come to their own decisions. Sometimes, giving advice inhibits conversation.

5. Physical and emotional touch can bring great comfort. Whenever it seems appropriate, give a hug or extend a hand, touch someone’s arm, if they like, gently apply body cream or scented oil to the person’s hands, arms or feet. For many people who are ill, they wonder whose body they are in. They feel unattractive and wonder if they are still desirable. By touching someone — if appropriate — you can help a person to feel acceptable.                                                                                    Image result for doctor bedside manner with the very sick

10 simple gentle ways you can speak to a friend that’s are very sick. 

1 “I feel so sorry for you”

It’s amazing, the number of people who imagine that it feels just great to be the object of pity. Don’t even say “I feel so sorry for you” with your eyes. One of my friends was just brilliant at mimicking the doleful-puppy-poor-you gaze, and when I had been subjected to a sustained bout of it, I used to crawl over to the local pub for lunch with him, just so that he could make me laugh by doing it. Don’t say “I feel so sorry for you” with your hand either. When someone patted my thigh, or silently rested their paw on it, often employing the exasperating form of cranial communication known as “sidehead” at the same time, I actually wanted to deck them. Do say: “I so wish you didn’t have to go through this ghastly time.” That acknowledges that you are still a sentient being, an active participant in your own drama, not just, all of a sudden, A Helpless Victim.

2 “If anyone can beat this, it’s you”

Funnily enough, it’s not comforting to be told that you have to go into battle with your disease, like some kind of medieval knight on a romantic quest. Submitting to medical science, in the hope of a cure, is just that – a submission. The idea that illness is a character test, with recovery as a reward for the valiant, is glib to the point of insult. Do say: “My mum had this 20 years ago, and she’s in Bengal now, travelling with an acrobatic circus.” (Though not if that isn’t true.)

3 “You’re looking well”

One doesn’t want to be told that one’s privations are invisible to the naked eye. Anyway, one is never too ill to look in a mirror, and see a great big moon-face, bloated with steroids and sporting the bright red panda eyes that are triggered by that most aggressive and efficient of breast-cancer drugs, Docetaxel. I knew I looked like death warmed up, not least because I felt like death warmed up. Nobody wants to be patronised with ridiculous lies. They are embarrassing for both speaker and listener. If your sick pal wants to discuss her appearance, she’ll ask you what you reckon. It’ll be a leading question, so take your cue from her.

4 “You’re looking terrible”

I know it sounds improbable. But people really did feel the need to reassure me that my hideousness was plain to see. One person told me that while I’d put on a lot of weight, I’d of course be able to go on a diet as soon as I was better. I wouldn’t have minded quite so much, if she hadn’t arrived bearing a giant mound of snacks and cakes, a great, indiscriminate pile of stuff that suggested she’d been awarded four minutes in Whole Foods by Dale Winton, in a nightmarish haute-bourgeois version of Supermarket Sweep. And, in fact, I haven’t gone on a diet. Somehow, being a size 10 doesn’t seem tremendously important any longer. On the other hand, when I said: “Don’t I look monstrous?” I was asking people to help me to laugh at myself – which many did – and to tell me that this too would pass. One of my friends took photographs of me, behind a curtain in the hospital, looking comically interfered with by surgeons, and festooned with tubes and drains full of bloody fluid. We laughed so much that I probably came nearer to death right then than at any other point.

5 “Let me know the results”

Oddly, one doesn’t particularly want to feel obliged to hit the social networks the moment one returns from long, complicated, stressful and invasive tests, which ultimately delivered news you simply didn’t want to hear. Of course, this request is made because people are worried. But, a bit of worry is easier to bear than the process of coming to terms with news that confirms another round of debilitating, soul-crushing treatment. If people do want to talk about such matters, they really need to be allowed some control over when, how and to whom. Contacting their very nearest and dearest instead is fine, as is volunteering to spread the bad tidings to others who are also anxious.

6 “Whatever I can do to help”

Apart from anything else, it’s boring. Everybody says it, even though your assumption tends to be that people do want to help, of course. That doesn’t mean that help should not be offered. But “Can I pick the children up from school on Tuesdays?” or “Can I come round with a fish pie and a Mad Men box set?” is greatly preferable to: “Can I saddle you with the further responsibility of thinking up a task for me?” If you do happen to be on the receiving end of “whatever I can do to help”, be shameless. Delegate with steely and ruthless intent.

7 “Oh, no, your worries are unfounded”

Especially when those worries are extremely founded indeed. Like a lot of women, when I was first diagnosed, I was disproportionately focused on the prospect of losing my hair. One friend, every time I tried to discuss this with her, would assert – baselessly – that this wasn’t as likely to happen as it used to be. Actually, it’s still very likely, and indeed it came to pass. But the crucial thing was this: I didn’t want to talk about how pointless it was to be fearful. I wanted to talk about how sorely I dreaded the day when I was bald. When people want to talk about their fears, they want to talk about their fears, not to be told, quite blatantly, that their fears are imaginary. Even when they are imaginary, there are more subtle ways of offering assurance than blank rebuttal. Usually, an ill person brings something up because they feel a need to discuss it. Denying them that need is a bit brutal.

8 “What does chemotherapy [for example] feel like?”

It is staggering, the number of people who find it impossible to restrain their curiosity. Swaths of folk appear to imagine that exactly what you need, in your vulnerability, is a long and technical Q&A during which you furnish them with exhaustive detail pertaining to the most shit thing that’s ever happened to your body in your life. If someone wants to talk about their procedures or their symptoms, they will. If you have to ask questions, that’s prima facie evidence that this is not what they’d discuss, if only they could be gifted with just a smidgeon of control over the conversational initiative. Again, the golden rule is: take your lead from the person undergoing the experience. I tended to want my mind taken off all that stuff, and have a nice chat about nice things. One of my friends, asked by another what she had been up to lately, found herself saying she’d had a great time visiting Deborah in hospital after her mastectomy. It had indeed been a lively visit. Eight lovely people had turned up all at once, and it had been quite the rambunctious gathering. When she told me that it had been an absurd social highlight for her, I felt fantastically proud.

9 “I really must see you”

Don’t say it, particularly, if you are then going to indulge in some long and complicated series of exchanges about your own busy life and the tremendous difficulty you have in finding an actual window, even though this appointment is so awfully important to you. At one point, I was sitting in a chemotherapy suite, large and painful cannula in the back of my hand, pecking out texts to somebody who had to sort something out this week, and wouldn’t take “Let’s do this later” for an answer. When I reluctantly picked a particular time from the list she had bossily pinged over, she replied that she’d have to bring her toddler son with her if it really had to be then. I knew I couldn’t handle a tiny visitor (and wasn’t sure about the ability of the tiny visitor to handle it either), so we then arranged something else. A few days later, at the very time of predicted childcare crisis, I saw a tweet from her, declaring that she was wearing a new cocktail dress and held up in traffic on her way to a long-anticipated and very glamorous do. She had clearly just buggered up her dates and didn’t want to say: “Whoops. Actually, I’ll be at a PA-A-ARDEEEEE.” Fair enough. Sweet, really. Nevertheless, the planning thing is an arse. I liked it when people just said, “Can I come by after work this evening?” or, even better, “I’ve got tickets to the theatre on the 25th. Tell me on the day if you can face it.”

10 “I’m so terribly upset about your condition”

One friend, when I told her the initial news, blurted out: “I can’t cope without you!” and unleashed a flood of tears. (I hadn’t sobbed myself at that point. I never did.) Ages later, when she emerged from the loo at the pub I had designated as Telling People HQ, she explained that she’d been caterwauling unrestrained when a kind lady asked her what was wrong. Having sketched out her troubles, she got this reply, or something like it: “What? You’re weeping in the lavatory, while your friend is in the bar having breast cancer? Pull yourself together, and get out there.” This had inspired another torrent of waterworks. And that is the most important thing to remember, when your friend is facing a frightening and possibly fatal illness: it’s not, not, not about you. If you’re too upset to be in a position to comfort your friend, send cards, send flowers, send presents. But don’t send your ailing chum a passionate storm of your own wild grief, personally delivered. It’s a little too needy, under the circumstances.                                                Image result for doctor bedside manner with the very sick

In Conclusion

If you recognize things that you have said or done yourself within this list, don’t feel bad about it, at all. I most certainly have, and I’ve said and done much, much worse too; it took being on the receiving end before I realized what it could feel like. The thing is this: When someone is very sick it’s a time of great intensity, and even the most half-handed expressions of support or love are better than a smack in the face with a wet tea-towel. People feel helpless when they see that their friend is suffering. Sometimes – often – they say the wrong thing. But they are there, doing the best that they can, at a terrible, abject time. That’s the most important thing of all. I look back on those grisly moments of ineptitude and clumsiness with exasperated amusement and tender, despairing, deep, deep fondness. The great lesson I learned from having cancer, was how splendid my friends were, whatever their odd little longueurs. They all, in their different ways, let me know that they loved me, and that is the most helpful thing of all. I’m so lucky to have them.

Hurting People feel million emotion going on at the same time: hurt, pain, anger, fear, and hope, and most of the time after an accident, they need comfort and assurance, a kind listening ear, and tenderness. Not a fear monger saying: “it looks infected,” “Wow that looks nasty, You look like your about to die,” or “If you don’t want my my advice I will just” “shut up.” Because you can’t help a person with fear by saying fearful things, and “Making Mountains Out Of Hysteria”